Diary of the Mad Gardener

I believe I am an agrarian by genetic predisposition. My maternal grandmother had huge gardens from which she canned enough produce to feed her family all winter. My paternal grandfather also was a prolific agrarian who fed not only his family, but several others. My father's parents were farmers who lost their land during the depression, but never lost their love of the land and its many possibilities. My father continued this passion by purchasing farm land early in his life and now enjoys the trips to visit his land much like a proud papa.

When we purchased our present home 20 years ago, one of the selling points was a large yard with a generous garden plot. I envisioned an annual crop of organic produce that would feed my family as well as additional family members. My father was equally excited to "help out" by planting half the garden with Red River valley red potatoes. (This ain't the Red River valley, dad.) After several mediocre potato harvests, he willingly gave up some space to other plantings.

After retiring from my full time job and believing I had ample time to tend a large garden, I embarked on a ambitious plan to feed the world....one family at a time. Last year's efforts were thwarted by several factors including a cool summer and an early freeze. This year was going to be different. I was going to stay diligent and prove to the world that I too had the agrarian blood in my veins. The following is a diary of this year's efforts....

• Due to 2" of snow on May 6th, I didn't get any seeds in the ground until the week of May 16th.
• Measured all the rows and grouped the plantings according to their maturity schedule.
• Carefully calculated the timing for "already started" plants such as tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, and peppers. Can't lose everything to a late freeze.
• WOW !!! Finished at last and the radishes are already up! This is so FUN!!!
• WOW!!! The beans, peas, lettuce and a few other things I can't identify are poking out of the soil. Time to thin and start picking weeds.
• Picking weeds....how did I not know that there are types of weeds with roots to China??
• Boy that ND wind can really take out those weak little seedlings. Thinning the crops and continuing to pick weeds.
• OMG...something is eating my crop!!! I had fenced and built barriers to prevent rabbit feasting...they chewed through the fence and ate all the green beans!!! Oh well, I was going to plant a second crop anyway....damn rodents!
• Picking weeds...fewer rows to worry about. The rabbits have now eaten two crops of beans, most of the peas and started on my beet tops. Dan has purchased some nasty powder with bone meal, blood, and coyote urine...doubt it will upset the feeding fenzy of these toxic, reproducing, long-eared scavengers.
• Took a quick trip to Big Sky and when I returned the weeds had taken over. The only plants to survive are the leeks. It's no wonder farmers experience depression at a greater rate than shopkeepers.
• Spent 5 hours weeding so I could find the tomato and pepper plants. Couldn't get out of bed the next morning and have at least 300 mosquito bites.
• Damn squash plants have taken over 1/2 of the garden and I can't find those burpless cukes I am lusting after.
• How can weeds grow 4 inches in 12 hours??? I need a gun..anyone for rabbit stew?
• I think I will quit watering so the weeds will quit growing...
• Sure hope I get to taste a tomato before I Round-Up this whole freaking mess.....
• Come visit me in jail when I'm arrested for stalking rabbits with my Colt 45.