A Father's Day Gift to a Daughter

A long time friend of our family passed away last week. Helen Broten was 93 and up until the last week of her life, continued living on their family farm. Her long deceased husband and now her only son have been farming my father's land for 50 years. The funeral was this past Saturday, and my 80 year old father wanted to attend. It created a perfect opportunity for me to spend a long day with my father alone and without interruption from others.

Our journey began at 9:20 AM as I drove east on 94. He had many stops he wanted to make, so we left early so there was plenty of time to get to the funeral at 2:00 in Dazey. Our first stop was his home town of Courtenay. This little town has seen better days. There are very few people still living there and most of the buildings of my childhood have been torn down. The school, the gas station, where we always got a pop, the bar and liquor store my maternal grandfather owned and operated until his death, the house my father grew up in, and the Presbyterian Church where I had to recite memorized verses when visiting my grandparents. Most of the landmarks from my childhood no longer exist. The continuing saga of many small North Dakota towns. My father had a painting of the now demolished Presbyterian Church to donate to the town hall, so it was dropped off at the mayor's house and we proceeded to have lunch at the only business still operating in Courtenay.

Our next stop was the cemetery where all our family is buried. He wanted to remind me where he and my mother want to be buried some day. He asked that I not forget to visit on Memorial Day and keep things tidy after they were gone. Seeing the graves of my beloved grandparents and knowing that this small piece of land would be the final resting place for my parents, placed a lump in my throat that I can still feel. By today's standards, my grandparents were young when they died; 72 and 74. I feel fortunate that my parents have already outlived their parents and many other close relatives.

Our next stop was to view my father's land. He carefully explained where nature's markers were to indicate the beginning and the end of his plot of earth. He insisted that I drive through the field in my clean Jeep to view the tree in the middle of the field that was saved nearly 50 years ago at his father's request...another big lump. He reminisced about the purchase of the land 50 years ago and how much his father loved coming to help during harvest. He also carefully approached the topic of preserving the farm for generations to come...in other words, he was hoping that I, as executor of his estate, wouldn't sell it after they were gone. I assured him that I would love to hang onto such an important part of our heritage; for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Another lump...

We reached Dazey in plenty of time for the funeral. My father was grateful we didn't have to sit in the church basement like he had to when Helen's husband passed. We arrived in plenty of time to sit in the third row in the well kept cool interior of the Lutheran Church in Dazey. Another small town with nothing left to offer a new resident or visitor. The funeral was brief, but at least the minister knew Helen and could speak well of what a wonderful lady she truly was, and she was a fine one! The small Norwegian church and its "church ladies" offered a typical small town funeral lunch along with the weak and transparent coffee that is the favored beverage of that area of ND. I can't understand how all those elderly people can drink coffee from the time they arise in the morning until they go to bed at night. I would spend the entire day in the bathroom and the entire night staring at the ceiling.

My father enjoyed seeing several old acquaintances and friends and of course we had to "come out to the farm" for more coffee and desserts. I was already on a sugar high and could have really used an ice cold beer about that time. We stopped in for a bit, but my father had other plans and soon suggested we hit the road. One more piece of his land to view and then a pit stop at his favorite lake; Spiritwood.

Here we both remembered childhood trips to the lake to swim and later, to attend Friday or Saturday dances. The lovely little resort where we stopped was for sale. The owners were worn out. Business was sporadic, they couldn't get employees and they too were getting on in age and wanted to spend their winters in a warm climate. Who will ever buy a remote resort on a ND lake where the nearest real town is 30 miles away? However, the beer was ice cold and tasted wonderful as it washed all the field dirt down my throat.

All too soon, we were on the last leg of our trip. Home to Bismarck. Dad borrowed my cell phone to call my mother and tell her he was on his way home and that he had missed her; and was there any dinner for him.

Saturday was one of the nicest days of my adult life and it was over in a snap. My dad reminds me that life is over in a snap...and I feel another lump forming.

The Bucket Half Full

I loved the movie "The Bucket List". Not because of the characters or even that the story line was academy award quality, but, because of the message. What do I really want to do before I die? Or an even wiser question; What do I want to do while I'm still able?

Prior to making the retirement decision, I decided that fulfilling that bucket list would be a priority worth pursuing for the next several years...while still healthy and financially stable. Fortunately, good ol' Dan continues to slave away providing the income, but I soon learned that for the most part, the things I really wanted to do didn't take much money, simply more time. For the first time in my life...I had TIME.

Where to start? My first priority was to re-connect with old and dear friends and neglected relatives who had probably given up ever seeing or hearing from me again. My second priority was to give some of my free time to my church, community and other human beings who needed a little extra help. The third was to take some chances, be brave, and experience some adventures that would be challenging and educational, but most importantly, FUN.

2009 began with two weeks of skiing in Montana followed by two weeks of time with my parents in AZ via a road trip with my brother. We squeezed in a trip to Laughlin, NV and saw the Smother's Brothers and the Oakridge Boys. (I can detect your envy if you were lucky enough to grow up in the 60's and 70's.) Next, a trip to Florida to see a cherished friend, who I had met through my work, AND, my very first polo match. I even flirted with the star of the winning team from Argentina and got his autograph....remember the brave part I referred to earlier....

I certainly don't want to have this entry sound like the obnoxious Christmas letters you receive from people you hardly know, but writing this all down has revived the wonderful memories and emotions these adventures evoked. In the interest of most people's attention span, I will *bullet* the past year additions to the still mostly empty Bucket.

• April 2009 - Skiing, and the realization I need to be in better shape!
• April-September 2009 - Fine Arts Festival volunteer
• May 2009 - Finally a big vegetable garden that I can take care of.
• July 2009 - Hosting my high school potluck for a 2 day slumber party.
• August 2009 - My first experience mountain biking in MT. WOW !
• September 2009 - Mountain horse trip with my favorite cousin in WY.
• September - Joined a bridge marathon group with a good friend. (a whole winter with bridge..yeh!)
• October 2009 - Napa Valley with friends. I do love wine!
• November 2009 - Thanksgiving in Steamboat with our kids/grandkids. (We made it a 7 day road trip.)
• December - The holidays at home and time to get everything done for once!!
• January 2010 - The longest month of the year...
• Feb. 2010 - Family skiing in Big Sky and an overnight with friend Mary in Billings.
• Feb. - A 16 day Thelma and Louise road trip to the southwest with dear friend Beth. (We hope to do this again this coming winter....
• March - another ski week, (I really do need to be in better shape next year!!)
• April - Finally a trip to Washington, DC that wasn't business related. Can you ever see and do everything you hope to?

Another bucket list goal was to see Neil Diamond, and it finally happened, too. I'm still humming "Sweet Carolyn". I loved every one of his albums, and by the way, he really is quite short and skinny in person.

Re-connecting with people, having a few new adventures, taking the time to plant more flowers and vegetables, and fulfilling a few dreams is slowly filling my bucket. I won't be jumping out of airplanes or bungy jumping off the Grand Canyon, but the list remains long and I hope I have the time and energy to see it through. Everyone should think about their bucket list and ask themselves, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"